Walking Away From Conflict
If there are individuals in your life that you frequently get into conflicts with, practice walking away from those situations. Rather than continue in the same old way of getting into escalated conflicts, change the pattern by walking away. Then you can allow some time and space for you and the other person to calm down. Here’s what you do:
When you know you are going to encounter the person where conflict is likely to occur, come up with a statement ahead of time that you will use to skillfully end the conflict. Depending on the circumstances, shape a phrase to end things in a way that states clearly why you are leaving, or why you choose not to continue arguing/fighting.
This could be something like, “I really want us to work out this situation, but we won’t get anywhere this way so I’m going to leave. Let’s talk later when we are both in a better state of mind.” Or if you are in a situation where it’s not practical for you to actually physically leave the situation, you could say something like, “We aren’t going to solve this conflict this way so I suggest we talk about it later. It would be wise if we return to this once we have both cooled down.”
This kind of bold statement can be difficult, because the other person will possibly feel threatened by your change of tactic. They may want to continue the fight, possibly accusing you further for trying to manipulate things.
Now here is the critical moment: Don’t continue to argue with them. You have to actually leave or disengage, exactly as you said you would. Out of fear and habit, you may be seduced to continue fighting, but don’t do it! Be strong in order to break the destructive chain that you are both are caught in.
If you’ve been having conflict with this person for some time, it’s possible that walking away in this manner may be a mildly scary or downright terrifying thing to do. When you walk away or refuse to continue fighting, you may feel naked with the vivid energy of anger. You have been actually buffering this intensity with the process of fighting, so it’s possible that now you will feel it vibrating in your body and mind. If so, check here for exercises to work with this energy.
After you have successfully walked away, there is time to allow things to settle, and when you meet again you can start fresh. Perhaps you and/or the other person will have had some clarity of mind around the conflict. For some help with finding clarity check this article.
