What can you do to improve this situation? What can you do to protect yourself from harm, without perpetuating more anger and more suffering?

In my example, when people interrupt me, rather than retreat into anger, I can choose to just keep talking and finish my thought. It’s simply not ok with me to be interrupted too often, and so I need to assert my right to speak. If I wait for others to take care of my need to be heard, I may wait the rest of my life. It took me years to realize this, but ever since I stopped allowing people to cut me off, I am less angry and have more success in my relationships with people.

So whatever your situation is, look to see how you can improve it. Ultimately you are in charge of you. Develop the firm resolve, “I will not allow (so and so) to harm me in this way any more!” And then come up with steps to make your commitment real. You are not trapped and there are many options at your disposal.

If you decide you are trapped, then you will be, as simple as that. You can always find reasons why it’s NOT possible to change circumstances. But if you don’t give in to the negative thinking, if instead you resolve to take charge and then follow through on that resolve, you can change your life and free yourself from being trapped in a stuck anger situation.

One thing that can be helpful with this step is to try and see the situation from the other person’s perspective. Can you get an idea of what their take on the situation is? In psychotherapy there is a form of dream interpretation which can be very helpful. When you analyze your dreams, you play the part of every character in the dream, and one by one you describe the dream from that character’s perspective.

Do the same thing here with your waking dream of anger. Try telling the story from the other person’s point of view. This isn’t easy, but if you manage it even a little, it may give you insights into how you can improve the situation.

If you still have trouble thinking of solutions to improve the anger situation, check {ln:nw:responding to anger ‘this article} for some suggestions, and then do the best you can.

By Craig Mollins