This is the first in a series of conflict resolution exercises. Read this introduction, and then go to the first exercise which you can find immediately following.

When we’re angry at someone we usually set them up as the enemy and we proceed to do battle, either in our mind, or we outwardly say and do things to try and sabotage their integrity. Of course this strategy is doomed to fail because the only thing we will accomplish is more anger.

Even if we are successful in hurting the other person, especially if we are successful in hurting the other person, we only escalate the situation and invite more anger and aggression and suffering into our life. When we make somebody our enemy we may or may not cause them harm, but there is no doubt that we do harm to ourselves.

When the situation that first arose to cause us to be angry, we had an opportunity to stay clear headed and deal with it on the spot. Since we are now angry, we obviously missed that moment. However, that same opportunity exists now and in every moment, to get clear headed and deal effectively with the situation that is causing you to suffer in anger.

In anger management, business communications, conflict resolution, and people skills training, there is a common wisdom that is very helpful for dealing with anger. This wisdom is to focus on the problem and not the person. The idea is to get blame out of the picture, and to apply our intelligence to the situation.

As long as we focus on the person, as long as we blame them for our anger, we will stay stuck in anger. If we want to move forward, we have to get smart. If we want liberation we have to arouse our clarity of mind and do whatever we can to unwind the knots of anger.

This is the empowering path forward because it gives us control of our state of mind. As long as we focus on the other person, as long as we blame them for how we feel, we give them power over us because their very existence makes us angry. If we want to break free, if we want to stop being angry, we have to take charge and do what we can to resolve the problem. The conflict resolution exercises that follow are a protocol to help you do this.

In this section of articles you’ll see five Conflict Resolution Exercises. Start with Conflict Resolution Stage 1, Conflict Resolution Stage 2, etc. and proceed through each of the 5 stages. Each one requires 30-60 minutes of quiet time for you to sit down, reflect, and write about your situation. For each stage, read the instruction for that particular stage right through before beginning.

By Craig Mollins