Artwork by quinet

One way to understand anger is to look at the hardened shell of self protection we live with. People with lots of anger are sensitive and guarded individuals, our feelings are easily provoked, and the smallest trigger causes us to feel hurt and threatened.

Because we are so sensitive we need protection around our tender self. Anger is one of the ways we create a wall around our vulnerability. Yet ironically this shell of anger leaves us even more vulnerable because by nature, anger invites more attacks on a continuous basis.

Angry people are hurting inside. Let’s be honest here. We have to acknowledge the deep wounded feelings in our heart if we hope to start working with our anger. Our emotions and hurt are screaming inside for us to pay attention, but we stay disconnected from them using anger.

If we allow the shell of anger to crack a little bit, some light will find its way into our pain and we may start to feel it more clearly. As scary as it can be, this a necessary process if we hope to move forward. It’s almost as if we have to undergo a surgery without anesthetic to heal our wound. We can’t heal it until we feel it; there’s simply no other way.

This doesn’t mean we have to go through some big scary and dramatic scene. People often think that if they allow themselves to feel the hurt and sadness in their heart they will be overwhelmed and won’t be able to stop crying, or they won’t be able to deal with the rage or whatever feelings and emotions are stored there. But the actual experience is usually nothing like we would imagine it to be.

At first it may seem scary, but once we tap into our feelings of sadness and pain, we discover those areas also contain our strength and our love. It turns out that our vulnerability and our strength aren’t so separate after all. And when we start to work with these aspects of our inner world, over time the shell of anger becomes less and less necessary.

Check here and here for help with this.

By Craig Mollins