The Message in Anger
Artwork by purplerainistaken
At a very basic level, anger is an intelligent response to some kind of perceived threat or unfavorable circumstances. The first instant of anger is a moment of clarity that sees, “This isn’t right.” Anger is a form of intelligence that serves us in various ways. The nature of anger is to clarify boundaries, to serve as a protector, and to act as a catalyst when change is needed.
However, the energy of anger is powerful, and we have a deep seated habit of resisting its raw and unpredictable nature. Our tendency is go towards comfort and security and when the vividness of anger arises, our body and mind shut down in a fearful grip. Yet even though we solidify to block out the intensity, it’s possible to stay open with anger, allowing us to decode its intelligence.
For example for many years I had a pattern of getting pissed off whenever I thought people weren’t listening to me. I felt like a victim and would shut down, blaming them for being so selfish and shallow. At some stage this pattern became quite intense, so I finally slowed down and started to look at it.
Seeing Beneath the Surface
What I discovered is that I had a serious listening problem myself. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin, and listening to people made me very anxious. This was a major revelation and it helped me learn to relax and to listen more and to be less angry.
Think of any situation in your life that brings up anger. Take some time, relax, and reflect on this. Why are you angry? What are the circumstances causing it? Try and see the cause and effect there.
If you are able to look closely and clearly, you will see there is an intelligent and creative impulse behind the anger. There is something happening in your life that isn’t serving your best interests, and anger is saying, “This doesn’t work, and it needs to change!” Look closely and identify what your anger is trying to tell you.
If you have trouble seeing the message in the anger, it could be that you haven’t been able to stay present with your experience long enough to discover what’s happening. Check out this article and these processes for some help with this.
If you’ve decoded the intelligence of your anger, you’re in a position to work more skillfully with the situation. Once you have clarity about the message in the anger, you’re better equipped to be creative in how you respond. Go here to learn more.
I like this article, I think anger can be particularly difficult at work, where in addition to our perceived threats from others, there is an overarching financial connection to work. This connection creates a natural vulnerability; for example, we could get fired or get in trouble with our boss, etc. Looking at the nature of your anger in different circumstances, including work, is helpful.