Real Time Anger Management
Anger management often implies something we do when we are not in a state of anger, when we are relaxed and have the mental space to do some inner work. This is great and wonderful, and something by all means we can benefit from and should do.
However anger management is also something we can do on the spot when anger arises. Anger has a lifespan, as it arises, does its thing and then subsides. We can manage our anger at any stage of that anger life cycle.
In some ways this is where all of our previous anger management efforts and training are put to the test: Can we let go of our tight grip on anger, or not? We are right there in real time, anger is coming up for us, and we are on that edge of going one way or the other. Sometimes we lose our seat and are taken over by our anger, and sometimes we are able to stop in our tracks, step out of the ring, and let it go. With practice, with our continual anger management inner work, our ability to unhook ourselves from anger only gets stronger and stronger.
Yet even when we don’t let our anger go on the spot, there is often some success there. Just by being conscious enough to think, “I want to do this differently this time” is itself a sign of tremendous progress. Rather than getting blindly pulled into an anger spiral where we lose any sense of perspective, rather than following the anger energy like a dog on a leash, we have enough understanding of our anger patterns and enough self knowledge to step back, even if just a little bit, and try to respond differently to the arising of angry feelings.
A Real Time Anger Management Exercise
A simple exercise for real time anger management is as follows:
When you notice angry feelings starting to brew inside, sit up tall, feel your feet on the ground and your seat under your bum, and then take a long, deep inhale, and a long deep exhale. As you exhale let your mind have a feeling of expanding and going out into the atmosphere, into the space around you.
A great way to make the most of this exercise is to write it out on a card and take it with you throughout your day. Take it out frequently and read it as a reminder. Then, when anger comes up, you will have a relatively fresh memory of the exercise and will have more strength to do it.
This simple process for managing your anger is quite powerful, and can create an instant sense of strength and focus, which can help you break the otherwise habitual anger momentum that otherwise normally takes you over.
